Mourning is for those who feel it, it is unique, individual and most of the time, indescribable words. Mourning is the dry leaves of everyday life, a defoliation. The dry leaves are our losses and throughout our existence there are dry leaves.
Each person experiences grief in their own way, right or wrong, words are not compatible with the description of the phases of this process, it has no linearity or duration, the feeling of grief belongs to those who feel it.
Often, in an attempt to give some comfort in this overwhelming moment, we rush to want to somehow stop this suffering, but grief is a process of the soul that needs to be lived and digested when and as possible over time and for that to cry. , suffering and talking are part of the process. We need to talk about and not hide or minimize.
Among the various mournings of a life, there are those that ferociously pierce the hourglass of time and cycles like the loss of a child.
The loss of a child is unbearable, indescribable and nameless. You can't even get a name for these parents. Children who lose parents are orphans, spouses are widowed, but there is no name for the dimension of this loss.
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Mourning parents belong to mutilating discontinuity, frustrated projections, to finite dreams, belong to the anguish of loss that is eternalized and generated in the long march of days.
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We then ask ourselves, when is it allowed to cry in the society we inhabit?
We live in times when it is only allowed to show happiness, achievements and smile in society, the suffering and pains of the walk of life are often put under the rug. Losses are denied processes in our society.
Addressing death, specifically, on the issue of mourning experienced by mothers and fathers in the perinatal period - due to spontaneous abortion, fetal or neonatal death - is important and necessary since these parents are often neglected to live their pain and talk about .
The finitude of a life and of cycles leads us to put words to the anguish that we feel since grief makes a rupture of the world assumed by us. In a pregnancy or with the arrival of a stillborn baby, this rupture pierces any hourglass of the human cycle and the stories already introjected by the new parents.
In mourning, perplexity accompanies us like an uncomfortable shadow at all times.
But we need to emphasize that Mourning is not a disease or a process of illness of the person who feels it. Just as not every bereaved needs therapeutic help to prepare such. Grief is not depression either. Depression is an otology of unresolved grief.
The mourner is unproductive for the social system because he is at that moment in lack and then without focus, without productivity, without will and as a society we know how to deal better when we can label something as illness, looking for a cure.
“When I am heard, I am able to review my world and continue”. Carl Rogers
Caroene Santos Murray
Clinical Psychologist - Child and Adult 🌿
Perinatal and Parental Psychologist 🌿